You're still there

We both never talked to each other before. I accidentally knew you when i was sitting at our school canteen. At first, i didn't know you would mean this much to me. I didn't know if you can make me smile shyly just if you're smiling. I even dreamed of having a perfect conversation with you. dreamed to hold your hands while we're walking together. 

It was my past with you R. I'm not going to miss you anymore right now. I'm not going to make a love poetry for you. I'm not going to smile shyly just if you're smiling. And i'm not going to love you anymore. 

I know i'm only a fourteen years old girl and turning to fifteen in 4 days. I know i'm too young to say these words. I know i am. 

It has been a year since i liked you. it has been a year too since i started to stop thinking about you. I did it, i forgot you. but lately, you come up to my mind like a ghost. You show up everywhere. You look at me like we knew each other. I know and i always knew, we're nothing. not even a friend. and i know we're not going to be together. tho, i know everything is possible as long as we breathe the same air and sleep under the same sky. But this is too much, this is impossible. 

Dear R. Tho i don't like you now. tho i'm not one of those girls that adore you. but, you're still there. you still live in my heart. and i know you will always will. I never regret meeting you or knowing you. because i knew that those are my destiny. meeting you and loving you are my destiny. so, just do a small favour for me. please, don't ever forget me. don't ever forget how i always chased after you. how i wanted you. and how i liked you. this is my last hope for you. because then, i'll let my hopes for you fly far far away. Just like how these balloons do.

You know, I'm crying while i'm making this post. My heart, my tears and again the memory of you makes me cry.  I've cried a thousand times for you and just by now, i cry again. I'm crying with those memories that can't be erased. I won't blame you for everything. because, i'm the one who started this. I think, i'm the one who should ask for a sorry from you. 

Last. I wish you'll always stay healthy. I wish you'll always live with many good people around you. I think, we'll be no more in the same school next year. I think, you will leave this town. Stay healthy.