I'm just afraid

When someone asks me what my biggest fear is, i'll answer. my biggest fear is to lose all the people i love, not having the ability to smile again and to wake up from a nightmare but it's not only nightmare, it's reality. those are what i'm afraid of.


I have a lot of friends at the moment. and some of them may will leave this town and move to another city and start their new life. To see them happy and can smile everytime is all i want to see. Tho, it may hurt me. but, i won't be a naive person. No one wants to get hurt. so it means me too.


I know that much that each of us will walk on our path, alone. but i just still can't let you all move to another city or country maybe. like what i wrote, i say that goodbye is a promise to meet once again. we haven't separate yet. just yet. but sooner we will. and that what scares me. I always pray, that in another life or in another unexpected place, i'll have a chance to meet one of you guys. I just read a tweet from a friend and this is what she tweeted

It means "Hope everyone will pass this final examination. May you'll pass this easily."

I cried a little deep inside. thinking like, "Oh the beginning is closer. much closer" 

I have a crush and i've searched his name on a school website. I didn't found his name. I wonder, does he go to the same school as mine or he moves to a city? I keep wondering until this moment. This is what i'm afraid of. I've been studying in the same school with him for 9 years and i just can't accept the truth if he moves to a city. if he doesn't go to the same school as mine. 

I'm afraid that if he moves to a city and enter a new school then he will meet a girl and he will like him. I'm just afraid. I know that there is a quote saying "If s/he is yours, no matter what they will come back to you" . I don't know whether he is mine or what. I won't say that he is, but i'm just afraid if something such as this happens. I'm afraid he will forget me. because 9 years together ain't easy to forget. and what i'm afraid of is what if we never meet each other again? what if you won't recognize me when we meet? what if? that's what scares me. 

Friends, you are all amazing and my crush too. You gave me such a beautiful memories. I'll follow my path and you guys will follow the path Allah has given :D